holes in my logic

and you are gone and I hope you stay gone. I am confused as to who you are and how you became this way, but all I really know is that I want you as far away from me as possible. You scare the living hell out of me. Remove me from every aspect of your life. You are already dead in my mind and I will now begin the extermination of you in my heart. I want you as far from me as possible. I am sick to my stomach and scared to death.

love life. hate the internet still. must continue my break

MERRY CHRISTMAS I LOVE AND MISS YOU ALL <3

there is a sleeping body curled around me as I type this and it is the right one. It was always the right one but I was blinded. Someone put us in a kalediscope. I’ve filled the void but I am still not ready to return to tumblr or the internet. I like having a life. A lot.

I can’t study for my exams because I’m taking care of Mike because we decided it would be a good idea to drink on a school night on a random 2 o’clock afternoon because we are young and reckless and happy/honest drunks and he drank too much and is sick and I can handle a lot more than he can and I like it that way, I would never let myself lose control first and I am just trying to memorize things for my history exam but instead I am here and he is finally asleep after a lot of vomit and misery. He is calm.

And I am calm. I feel a lot better.

Thank you and goodnight. Christmas is in 10 days and I love every one of you.

Tonight, I will leave the internet in a desperate attempt to find myself. Goodbye myspace and facebook and twitter and tumblr and flickr. I don’t know how long this will last but I’ve realized that this is adding fuel to the fire. I need a lot of time unwinding alone. For a while it was all under wraps and I was losing my cool behind the scenes but now people are alive and aware of it all. What better timing than Christmas? I hope these holidays are ground breaking for me. I need something and my mission is to first discover what that is and than obtain and hold onto it for dear life. I’m really afraid at this point but I’m going to try and believe once again that it gets worse before it gets better. Have faith in me.

Adieu.

And angsty tonight. I’m on the verge of tears and I hate my family and my attitude is soaring. I belong in a bad movie.

I want to feel better.

Why do you seem so unhappy all the time?

Simply, because I am.

lol

I am having some doubts to say the least. Also I’m nostalgic of someone else.

Your so much better than that

I’m guessing you are the same person as before and I think I’m starting to realize. I have no one to talk to about this. It just rolls around in my head. Thank you for seeing worth in me.

I’ll miss you when you go to college

You know, I think that part shook me the most. We’ve never been close but we’ve spoken and I’ve unwound a few things infront of you but the fact that you ever thought about me leaving said a lot about you. You’re a really great person I don’t see why we aren’t close. You have spunk, you remind me of me in small ways I just hope you don’t grow up like I have, it sucks to say the least. I don’t feel amazing and people surely hate me lately but I’m glad that you differ. You’ve complimented me on all of my weak spots: my appearence, art, and myself making a difference / having a successful future. This one really touched me in ways unexplained.  It looks like one say we’ll have to talk about a lot of things. A lot a lot of things. I think that your friends hate me. Except Stace. One day we’ll have a huge sleep over, I promise and I’ll tell you everything there is to know about anything you want to hear about. I do have the greatest friends ever, I love them with my entirety though lately they can’t see it because I’ve been so busy, I really do. I want to straighten up my act. Maybe we can discuss this one day, I feel like a monster. I love you LG, you’re golden.

try to keep it at a median girl

You obviously don’t know me very well if you referred to my ego as “sky rocketing” and or “plummeting”. Number one, my ego doesn’t exist. But I’m sorry my changes irritate you so much, maybe you should stop looking in at me. Number two, you mean find a median* not “keep it at a median”. Check your word usage before you try to insult me or whatever that sad excuse was for a formspring. I think that your ego might be “plummeting” if you find the need to comment on someone elses. It’s safe to say you don’t favor me, so why would you care what I think of you? Talk to me without a mask and then I can respect you and your opinion.

the point was to have a mask

But the point of my formspring isn’t to bash my “ego”. And whomever you are I know you would never say this to my face and if it’s a true concern of yours you should be able to.

I know youre strong just try to perservere

Thank you. I think that I’m the one doing all the damage in my life sometimes. I can’t find the good like I used to and people on formspring don’t make it any better. It’s an all night hate fest but no one could make me feel worse than I already do. I think that my head was on straight at one point too and I know I’m a little unhinged right now but I swear I’m working on it. Whomever you are, I hope you have faith in me. Honestly I like hiding out in other people’s problems because that means I can solve theirs and stop worrying about mine for a second. I don’t know. Thank you for your words of motivation. I’ll try to stay strong for you.

so i dont want to unfollow you but ugh i might

I don’t know what to tell you. I’m sorry it irritates you, really. Formspring is helping me a lot right now. Thank you for putting up the nussances, if you decided to unfollow me then so be it.

i want to hear your voice, southern and deep, tell me who you are and who you used to be.

We used to be close I would say, but you and I are alike in the ways that separate us. You fluctate and flutter and I feel like I am constantly left in the dust. I think you are someone who captivates my interests and we put eachother in our own element consisting of pros and cons and squares and letters with ribbon and doodles. I know I am the same way, I realize my movement never ceases. Though we haven’t talked like we used to, you hold a special place in my mind. Some subjects I think about I want to discuss with you only. It’s the way we conversate and relate. Were too alike and too different to keep up and I hate it. We both are sliping through space at speeds we can’t fathom. I always think you have disdain for me of some sort, but I carry this fear with every person. It’s the package deal of paranoia. I want to catch up on everything we couldn’t ever keep up on and sit on my roof until the sky lights up and the ends of our reds burn through the filter and until I have no words left. I miss you and I miss our friendship. I need us to mainstain consistency because you’re special to me. You’re a vital piece to my broken glass we tried so hard to fix. You helped me when I couldn’t help myself. You told me I was good enough alone and I needed that. I still think about it.

Don’t let yourself become all the things you used to hate

I am trying every minute to cease from doing so. I have a lot to work on. I’m taking a break from things for a while. I promise I’ll return better than ever before. Thank you for your concern.

sealegslexi:

jetaimetous:

sealegslexi:

caitlinangelicas:

jetaimetous:

You are,

Urban Outfitters

American Appereal

Lomo

Fake Indie Rock

Sigur Ros

Mitchell Davis

But not you, remember when you were giddy and awkward, and true…now what are you?

sigur ros is not a bad thing , remove that from the list of cliches immediately.

hahahaha I love sigur ros; I was just adding it because it completed the pretensions of a person, I want to go to scandanavia because of them, and live and take old pictures; and sleep in the daylight…ok I’m done

Okay let’s go, we can marry foreign men

 Scandanavia? Do you mean Iceland? lolol

I miss the old Daina Earles who gave advice and cared.

Me too, honestly. A lot is going on right now with me and I apologize I haven’t had time to show as much compassion as I used to. It sounds really selfish and that’s sort of how I feel. It’s really too much for one person to handle but in a sense I suppose I set myself up for it. I’ve noticed this in myself and it’s bothered me for weeks now. I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed. Thank you for your honesty, I’m trying to jump back into my skin. Whomever you are, I’ll always have time for you. I love you.

..because it’s about time.

I think this is from someone who doesn’t know me very well. But at the same time it’s my fault for keeping myself so private. I appreciate your semi-concern but you see I haven’t lost myself. I’m buried under stress and school and other things and I don’t have time to do the things I used to. I don’t understand how I can expose what I’m not because if it’s what I’m not that how can I portray it? This hasn’t occured to me. I am exactly how you see me I suppose. I’ve accepted myself as mediocre and unable to fulfil the talents I dream of. If this is what you’re referring to then thank you for adding another blow to my esteem. I am not lost. I am just nervous and it is people like you that give foundation to my worries. I live in fear that all of you hate me. I’ve been on a mission to fix this about myself, all of the worrying and bad karma and slumps if that is any constellation to you. I’m working on making myself that good person I used to be. Sorry for the illusion, I guess.

..I feel like i’m THE ONLY ONE noticing this.

Oh honey, you aren’t. We are the children of technology, generation X, we’ve had a legacy made for us before we were born and honestly I’m usually just disgusted. Regarding the smoking, I myself have had a lot of inner turmoil about this. I’ve watched my best friend of four years lose himself to marijuana. They will all say it’s not the weed but you know it is. You know it’s the weed when they suddenly can’t care like they used to and you find them engaging in more distastful activities. I promise you I’m right there with you. It sucks to watch people you love smoke bowl after bowl until they amount to a sack of skin on a couch. Cheer up, there are people in this world that are above it, you haven’t found them yet. I promise you will. I know my promises may seem empty but I know that you will. Regarding friends, were all at this age where were dying to be reckless and have more fun than our bodies are capable of. I know I’m guilty of both. People are strange in this sense, one day they are unconditional and devoted and the next day they’ve left you for something insignifigant to you. I hope I’m getting the right idea from your post. Were all at that age where ‘real’ isn’t possible. Were all fluctating too much to have a pattern. It’s the natural state of being an angsty teen. I’m sorry this causes you so much ache. People are disappointing. My best advice would be to learn self reliance and independence like the back of your hand. I assure you that it gets worse before it gets better. I’m here if you need me.

I am an angry black man

You humored me. And you’re welcome. I’m very glad you let that out.

Thank you, for everything you have ever done for me.

Dear you, thank you for my first encouraging formspring of the night. I needed it. Don’t thank me. Whom ever you are I love you so much and I hope to continue doing things for you. Thank you for sticking around through all my self-destruction. I appreciate this more than you will ever know. It is this sort of reassurance that helps the most right now. It feels nice to know I helped someone.

However, I do know that you’re just as good as the rest of them and I don’t want you to give up.

I do know who you are. And I am left wondering about how you do feel about the way I am now. Your opinions matter more than most. I don’t want to give up either, I’m just in a constant state of discouragement. I can’t see myself where I want to be, I don’t think I have the guts anymore. I am the way I am because I’ve grown up and away from everything I used to be because of what happened last year. You can understand that. It literally killed me. Or who I was. That is the best explanation I have to why I’ve become this way, because I wasn’t good enough the way I was. I have horrible internal scars from it and you know this. You will understand this more than anyone. I hope you continue to stay by my side. You really are one of my best friends, through everything. Even though it was a year ago, it is that sole reason that pushed me away from him and the way I used to be.

I love you big sis :)

I love you too, HC. Cheer up and don’t worry about what we talked about. You’re above it.

I need you most of the time but I don’t want to bother you or make my issues yours, know I love you dearly, like a big sister.

Please emerge whomever you are. Don’t be afraid to come to me, your problems are important to me whether I know what they are or not. I’m glad I can be something to you. Please don’t worry about your issues becoming my issues. I’m here whenever and no matter what. I promise.

Our love is star-crossed & there’s nothing I can do about it

This spoke to me in volumes. We are on the same level. This made me want to cry. You have no idea how happy I am that I am not alone. Us hopeless romantics and our useless tactics. I’m so sorry. I can’t even give advice to you because I am exactly where you are and anything I can tell you is only things that I’ve tried and failed at. All I can really say is that you are not alone. I hope that’s enough. Sometimes good things happen to good people, thats not the case for me but hopefully it will be for you. Don’t lose faith in love, though it is almost always unfair.