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Trying to take better mental notes now. Learning as I go, which makes me feel idiotic for going about things the same way over and over again after so many failures. I get it. Or I get what works for me. I had that one clue for so long where I thought “I only like things that seem masked and unavailable or too scary to pursue and way out of my confidence range”. I was sort of right. But still, not really at all. I don’t even know if I’m right now but this is the best it’s ever felt. I used to want so badly for things to work out that I would turn aggressive trying to get them there. Then after having it perfect and literally better than I could have ever expected it, I hate it and I need out immediately. But that insane sense of urgency went away. No aggression, no repetition, no explaining and conveying over and over and over into complete oblivion. This is really good, this is better than I expected and perfect and yet, I don’t want out. Not even in the slightest.